Puns
A pun is an arrangement of words that relies at least one of the following three basic concepts:
Because of their reliance on the above concepts, most puns rely on the reader or listener to be well-read and to have a good vocabulary; as with any joke, if the teller has to explain it, the joke loses most of its humor.
Often enough, puns are created without the knowledge of the speaker. For example, a television show once depicted a man who had been impaled by an anchor. When interviewed, the surgeon who performed the operation used the common phrase, "He sailed through it" (meaning that the operation was easy), which is a pun given that an anchor is used during literal sailing. (If this story was reported on the evening news, it might be presented by an anchorman.)
If such spontaneous punnery is noticed, it is often followed by the apologetic phrase: "no pun intended."
Puns are considered to be the “lowest” form of humor. Because they are considered to be “low” humor, some people feel they should be responded to with groans of pain and anguish. If the pun is particularly bad, one might hold one’s nose or cry out. For truly terrible puns, one might run from the room screaming.
Here are a few sample puns:
“Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.”
-Groucho Marx (In the first portion of the sentence, “fly” is a verb indicating something that moves through the air quickly. In the second part of the sentence, “fly” is part of the compound noun “fruit fly,” and fruit flies are known to enjoy bananas.)
A sign in a golf-cart shop reads "When drinking, don't drive. Don't even putt." (The puns are on "driving" and "putting" a golf ball, vs. "driving" a car or "putting" around in a golf cart.)
SEPARATED AT BIRTH
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to a family in Spain. They name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal.
He responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
There are many different kinds of puns. A few of the types are listed below with examples.
Official puns are rare, but there are a few:
Extended puns occur when multiple puns referring to one general idea are used throughout a longer utterance. An example of this is the following story about a fight, with extended puns about cookery:
A fight broke out in a kitchen. Egged on by the waiters, two cooks peppered each other with punches. One man, a greasy foie gras specialist, ducked the first blows, but his goose was cooked when the other cold-cocked him. The man who beet him, a weedy salad expert with big cauliflower ears, tried to flee the scene, but was cornered in the maize of tables by a husky off-duty cob. He was charged with a salt and battery. He claims to look forward to the suit, as he's always wanted to be a sous-chef.
· egg = food, egged on = encouraged
· pepper = seasoning, peppered = hit all over
· punch a drink, punches = hits with fists
· greasy = very fatty, greasy = shady or disreputable, foie gras = pate` made from the liver of ducks or gease [a very fatty food], duck = animal foie gras is made from, duck = dodge; goose = animal foie gras is made from, goose was cooked = found himself in trouble, cook = prepare food with heat;
· beet = a vegetable sometimes used in salads, beat = to conquer
· weed = a type of green sometimes used in salads, weedy = thin or scrawny
· cauliflower = a type of vegetable, cauliflower ears = a condition in which the ear, having been hit hard and often, has become mishapen
· maize = type of corn, maze = difficult-to-navigate area
· husk = outer covering of an ear of corn, husky = large and strong
· cob = part of the corn plant, cop = police officer
· a salt = a type of seasoning, assault = a criminal act
· batter = cover a food with breading, battery = a criminal act
· sous-chef (pronounced “sue chef”) = the head chef in a kitchen, sue = to bring to trial
A Tom Swifty (or Tom Swiftie) is a phrase in which a quoted sentence is linked by a pun to the manner in which it is represented as having been said. The name comes from a series of books from the early- to mid- 1900’s about a young scientist and adventurer, Tom Swift. The author overused adverbs and adjectives when describing characters’ action, especially in delivery of dialogue.
As the examples illustrate, the standard syntax is for the quoted sentence to be first, followed by the description of the act of speaking. The hypothetical speaker is usually, by convention, called "Tom" (or "he"), unless some other name is needed for the pun (as in the Marie Curie example below).
Examples include:
· "Pass me the shellfish," said Tom crabbily. (shellfish, crab)
· "Let's look for another Grail!" Tom requested. (re = again, Quest = a search, esp. for the Holy Grail)
· "I unclogged the drain with a vacuum cleaner," Tom said succinctly. (suck = what a vacuum does; sink = where Tom used the vacuum)
· "I might as well be dead," Tom croaked. (“croaked” is a synonym for “dead”)
· "They had to amputate them both at the ankles," Tom said defeatedly. (amputation = removal of limbs; de = without, “feat” sounds like “feet”)
· "I didn't know I got airsick," said Tom, heaving it aloft.
· "I used to be a pilot," Tom explained.
· "Let's go downstairs," said Tom to the robber condescendingly.
· "I'm afraid I flunked my electrocardiogram," said Tom half-heartedly.
· "I can't remember what I was supposed to buy," said Tom listlessly.
· " ," said Tom blankly.
· "Who discovered radium?" asked Marie curiously.
· "I dropped the toothpaste," said Tom, crestfallen.
· "Don't let me drown in Egypt!" pleaded Tom, deep in denial. (The Nile is a famous river in Egypt)
· "Elvis is dead," said Tom expressly. (Elvis’s last name was Presley)
· "I'll never stick my arm in the lion's mouth again," Tom said offhandedly.
· "I'm wearing my wedding ring," Tom said with abandon.
· "I've changed my name to Patrick," Tom spat.
· "I know you're bluffing, because I have the other three aces," Tom called high-handedly.
· "I can't believe I ate that whole pineapple!" Tom said dolefully.
· "I'll never sleep on the railroad tracks again!" Tom said, beside himself.
· "I won't let a flat tire get me down," Tom said, without despair.
· "That's the third electric shock I've gotten today!" Tom said, revoltedly.
· "I just love camping!" Tom said, intently.
· "I'm never on time for family reunions," Tom related.
· "The fishing around here is really lousy!" Tom said, without debate.
· "I do like collecting baseball gloves," Tom admitted.
· "I don't like 7-Up," Tom said spritely.
· "What kind of money do they use in Paris?" Tom asked frankly.
· "And I don't know how to balance my check book," Tom added.
· " .. .- -- -.. . .- -.. ," Tom said remorsefully.
· "There are no flowers here," said Tom lackadaisically.
· "I'll clean tomorrow, Dad," said Tom, brushing him off.
The knock-knock joke is probably the best known format of the pun, and is a time-honoured "call and answer" exercise.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Keith
Keith who?
Keith me, my thweet preenth
(Kiss me, my sweet prince)
Knock knock
Who's there?
José
José who?
José can you see by the dawn's early light?
(Oh say can you see by the dawn's early light? -- first line of “The
Star-Spangled Banner”)
Knock-knock jokes occasionally employ a pun on a common noun or other word.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door?
(Aren't you going to open the door?)
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Seaweed.
Seaweed who?
If you’d open the door, you’d seaweed come inside!
(If you’d opent the door, you’d see; we’d come inside!)
Knock knock
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don't cry; it's only a knock-knock joke.
Shaggy dog story has come to mean a joke where a pun is finally achieved after a long (and ideally tedious) exposition. The humor in the punch line may be due to the sudden, unexpected recognition of a familiar saying, since the story has nothing to do with the usual context in which the phrase is normally found, yet the listener is surprised to discover it makes sense in both situations.
If the audience is not already familiar with the phrase used in the punch line, or is not aware of the multiple meanings of the words in the phrase, the surprise ending of the joke cannot be recovered by "explaining" the joke to the audience.
A DOCTOR AND HIS BARTENDER
A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.
One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.
The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri."
"No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri doc."
NEED TO RELAX
A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor replies, "It's very simple. You're two tents."
ELECTRONS
Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other.
One says to the other, "Are you all right?"
"No, I lost an electron."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm positive."
GANDHI
Gandhi was a respected spiritual leader and peace activist. He was also a vegetarian. What most people don’t realize is that his vegetarian diet made him very frail and made his bones very brittle. It also caused him to have horrible bad breath.
In order to try to offset these physical ailments, and because he was a simple man, Gandhi walked everywhere he went, often walking dozens of miles a day. Because he never wore shoes, Gandhi developed a thick layer of dead skin on his soles which protect his feet from the ravages of the road.
This meant, of course, that Gandhi was a super-calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.
ANGRY KING
Once upon a time, long before due process and the Miranda Warning were put into place, a king became convinced that a member of his court was betraying state secrets to the enemy. He called them all together and demanded that the traitor confess. No one spoke. “I will behead each of you until the rogue admits his guilt!” roared the king. Still no response.
Whomp! The first unlucky victim lost his head.
Whomp! The second followed the first.
The third suddenly cried, “Wait! Wait! I did it!” But it was too late, and he too met his fate by the executioner’s blade.
The moral: Don’t hatchet your counts before they chicken.
THREE THIRSTY STRINGS
Three thirsty strings walked into a bar. A sign outside the bar notified them there was no service for strings, but such was their thirst that they decided to get a drink anyway.
One string sauntered up to the bartender and said "Bartender, I'm thirsty, get me a drink."
The bartender replied "Sorry, we don't serve strings here." The string walked back disappointed.
Then the second string decided to attempt to quench its thirst so it approached the bar meekly and said "I know the sign says that there's no service for strings, but we are all extremely thirsty. Please be understanding. Couldn't we just have one drink each and then leave? We'd be very grateful."
The bartender shook his head. "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."
The third string, having observed the efforts of the previous two strings, immediately went into the restroom. It looped itself over backwards a few times, messed up its hair, waited for a few minutes, then re-entered the room. It approached the bar. "One beer, please" it said.
The bartender regarded it suspiciously. "Aren't you a string?"
The string replied "No, I'm a frayed knot".
THRONE STORAGE
Two tribes in the rainforest are at war because one tribe has an amazing seat for its king, and the other tribe’s king wants this royal chair. After years of battling, one tribe takes the throne of the other.
The tribe that was stolen from was furious. They trekked through two hundred miles of thick underbrush and arrived at the village of the thieves.
By the time they arrived the tribe with the throne realized they needed a place to store this wonderful chair so it would be safe from the elements, animals, and other tribes. They built a gigantic grass hut with several floors, and hid the throne on one of the upper levels.
When the wronged tribe found this house, they started trying to damage it and wreak some havoc before coming in. Rocks and spears were tossed, and the grass hut was damaged. The first floor was weakened so much that the structure soon collapsed. The throne fell several stories to the ground and was broken. Both tribes cried, but it was too late; the royal chair was no more.
The moral: People in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
DRIVING ACCESSORIES
I was driving down a lonely northern road one cold winter day when it began to snow pretty heavily. My windows were getting icy and my wiper blades were badly worn and quickly fell apart under the strain. Unable to drive any further because of the ice building up on my front window I suddenly had a great idea.
I stopped and began to overturn large rocks until I located two very lethargic hibernating rattlesnakes. I grabbed them up, straightened them out flat and installed them on my blades, and they worked just fine.
Of course, that's because they were wind-chilled vipers.
HISTORICAL ACCURACY
An ancient Babylonian general was once involved in a plot to overthrow the king. His plot included a number of followers in the upper ranks of the army. However, his plot was uncovered, and the king threw him in jail. The king sentenced him to death without a trial.
However, from the jail he was able to secretly contact his followers to arrange to escape, meet his followers, and attack the king's palace at night. So the night before his scheduled execution, the general managed to escape from prison. He fled to a ziggurat several kilometers away, where his followers would meet him. However, the ziggurat was one of several in the area, and he wasn't sure if his cohorts would find the right ziggurat. By this time it was twilight, so he lit a small fire and sent smoke signals to indicate in which structure he was hiding.
However, the king's loyal soldiers saw the smoke coming from the ziggurat, and came to arrest him before he could meet his followers. He was executed later that day.
The moral of the story? WARNING: The searching general has determined that smoking ziggurats can be extremely hazardous to your stealth.
ONE GOOD TERN DESERVES ANOTHER
A sailor was caught AWOL as he tried to sneak on board his ship at about 3 am. The chief petty officer spied him and ordered the sailor to stop. The officer ordered the sailor, "Take this broom and sweep every link on this anchor chain by morning or it's the brig for you!"
The sailor picked up the broom and started to sweep the chain.
Just then, a tern landed on the broom handle. The sailor yelled at the bird to leave, but it didn't. The lad picked the tern off the broom handle, giving the bird a toss.
The bird left, only to return and light once again on the broom handle. The sailor went through the same routine all over again, with the same result.
He couldn't get any cleaning done because he could only sweep at the chain once or twice before the silly bird came back.
When morning came, so did the chief petty officer, to check up on his wayward sailor.
"What on earth have you been doing all night? This chain is no cleaner than when you started! What have you to say for yourself, sailor?" barked the chief.
"Honest, chief," came the reply, "I tossed a tern all night and couldn't sweep a link!"
A daffynition is a pun format involving the reinterpretation of an existing word, on the basis that it sounds like another word (or group of words). They are similar to transpositional puns, but often much less complex and easier to create.
As a result of this, daffynitions are popular with children. Otherwise they are considered a less dignified form of the pun, if such a thing can exist.
A transpositional pun is a complicated pun format with two aspects:
Initially (like many other pun formats) it involves a clever redefinition of a well known word.
The second aspect is that this redefinition occurs as the result of the transposition of the words in an otherwise well-known phrase or saying.
As a result, transpositional puns are considered amongst the most difficult to create, and commonly the most challenging to comprehend, particularly for non-native speakers of the language in which they're given (most commonly English).
Some examples:
Alimony: The bounty of mutiny
· Alimony is money paid by one spouse to another after a divorce.
· The Mutiny of the Bounty is a famous book.
· “Bounty” can mean “treasure”
· “Mutiny” means “turning against someone you are supposed to respect;” some might argue this word could be applied to divorce.
Dieting: A waist is a terrible thing to mind
Hangover: The wrath of grapes.
Olympic Officials: The souls that time men's tries.
Visual puns can often be found in cartoons. Gary Larson’s “The Far Side” cartoon, in particular, often featured visual puns.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! It’s Sid! Someone snuffed him!
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